I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
