I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize