also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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