There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
