K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize