Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
