I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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