how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
