the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
