I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
