My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
