if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
