You work out of a Hotel?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
