i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
