WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
