your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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