Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
