i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
