My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
