Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
