i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
