How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
