i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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