Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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