He kissed a someone with a penis
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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