This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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