STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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