Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
