it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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