From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
