just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
