I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
