yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
