Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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