I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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