Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
