Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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