So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
