i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
