saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize