I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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