you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize