shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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