i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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