Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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