Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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