I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
