very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
