im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
