if i can run in heels then i can drive
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize