ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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