My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
