Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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