someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
