I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
