wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
