i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
