I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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