Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You've changed since you got that strap on
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This toilet bowl is my home.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
