he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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