his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
