i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
And then he peed in my hair
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