69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
