is your mom at the bar?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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