the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
