doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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