fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
