well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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