No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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