On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I want to be your penis for a week.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
