I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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