Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
