I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
