I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
