im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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