pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
