i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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