i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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