so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
