brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We left the knife in your bed.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize