Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
