the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
