Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
