I hope mine doesn't look like that
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
