someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
