Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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