can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
