well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
