He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize