Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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