I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
