I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
