Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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