I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
