That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
