addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
