Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
