dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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