He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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