dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
