Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
