wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
