fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
