The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
