totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize