And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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