3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
