After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
