Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
