i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
