Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
