Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Who died my cat blue again?
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