i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
only if we run a train.
done.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
