can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
